Dealing with loss

My uncle passed away a few months ago and this hit hard on my family. My uncle Paul was the man that made everyone laugh. He lit up the room with jokes that made even the grumpiest of men show a hint of a smile or let out a little chuckle. When a family loses their comedian, their glue that stuck all the stubborn brothers together, it's hard to figure out what is next.

My family however isn't new to loss and hardship. When I was much younger around the age of ten, I lost my grandmother. Now my grandma was the original glue that helped my family stay as one big happy mess. Growing up my role model in life was my Nana because of everything life kept throwing at her, she never let herself lose her smile or positive outlook. I loved watching her put on makeup like a true queen. I also loved when her small aged frame would as though grow ten feet tall to keep her son's from growing fat heads. She was a woman who had thick skin, but an open heart. 

When she passed away from cancer, this was the biggest loss in my life and it hit like a rocket. I started to keep to myself more and got a lot more shy. I just wanted to be alone and I couldn't see why this had to happened to me. Why the universe had to take my Nana away, while others got to keep theirs. I did not know how to handle this loss in my life so I shut it out completely. I buried the pain so deep in my ten year old's heart that I almost didn't feel anything at all.

The following year, my grandfather passed away from what I would call a broken heart. He missed his one true love so much and in the end he saw her again in heaven. I once again didn't want to deal with the loss, so I pretended everything was okay while the hole in my heart deepened. In my mind, feeling nothing was much better than feeling the pain.

Dealing with loss at such a young age or at any age is one of the most hard things any person will have to go through. When my grandparents passed away I was too young to handle the pain, so I shut down. Later in my teen years, the dam that I had built around my heart broke and all the pain came rushing out. I was sad all the time, realizing how much I missed them, how much I missed having grandparents in my life. At this moment I knew I needed to deal with the pain instead of shutting down again. I learned many ways to help cope with the pain of losing someone I loved from the overwhelming amount of support from my friends and family.

While I am still dealing with my uncle's passing, I realized that not everyone is as lucky as I am when it comes to having people to be there for them in a time of need. That's when I decided to write a post about dealing with loss, so I can be that support for someone who needs it. Think of me as a friend, a sisiter, a loved one, here and ready to help.

These are a few tips that I have complied from my years of dealing with loss:

« Be with loved ones » The best medicine for any healing soul is time with your loved ones that are still in your life. Remember to be thankful for the people you do have and not focus as much as you can on the person who is gone.

« Take time to yourself » Now on the opposite scale as the tip above, I highly recommend taking time to be alone. This is when I personally get the best thinking and soul searching done. This is when I turned to my God and prayed. Journaling is also a great way to get those thought that you don't want to share with people out.

« Go for walks » I have found that being in nature and taking in the natural wonders of the world is incredible for the mind, body, and soul. Realizing how much the world has to offer and that even though it feels like the world is crashing down, it truly isn't outside. Stepping out to get fresh air is better than any therapist, trust me.

« Meditate » I get that this may not be for everybody, but mediating is a great way to shut the mind off. Not thinking about anything for a while I think is necessary in anyone's dealing process.

« Keep a healthy diet » When your body is happy, your mind will be happy too. It's that simple. Keeping a good diet will help make you feel good about yourself and that is key in moving on.

« Let the hurt in » This is one of the hardest steps in dealing with loss, but one of the most crucial. You need to open yourself up to feel the pain and heartache. Take it from me, it doesn't go away if you try to ignore it, it only gets stronger. Letting the pain in early on, will help you to deal with the loss easier. I promise the weight of the loss will get lighter with time.

« Remember the good times » Whenever I think of my grandparents, my uncle, and all my loved ones who are now gone, I remember the great memories we shared and smile. Holding on to the good memories is a great way to keep their spirit alive. Yes sometimes I still get sad when I think of them, missing them will never go away, but I would rather miss them then to never think of them at all.

Those have been the biggest ways that I have dealt with the losses in my life. Dealing with losses at such a young age has taught me a lot about life and that's one thing I am grateful for.

I have learned to hug harder, smile wider, and love stronger. I learned to live in the moment with the ones I love. I learned that life is too short to do things that you don't like. I learned that going for my dreams and letting nothing stand in my way to achieving my goals is the the best way to live my life in their honor. I learned to appreciate simply being alive and being able to breathe fresh air. Lastly I learned that a passion in my life will be to help others. I write my blog to get conversations started that not everyone wants to talk about, but are necessary to be said. I hope this will reach people who are dealing with loss and that I can help in some way.

Remember to never take any moment in life for granted. Remember to put down your phone once in a while to see the world and people around you. And remember to hug harder, smile wider, and love stronger.


  1. This is SO true !! I have lost a lot of family and friends and I deal with it all by NOT thinking of any of them during the day ; AT ALL . Then I pray at night for them !! I know this is not healthy, but that is how I cope !! Your advice I will be taking with a great deal of thought !!

    1. I am glad I could help you with your dealing process. I know it can be hard, but taking it one day at a time is all anyone can do. I suggest trying little by little to think of them in a happy light and slowly the pain will be only filled with love.